Separation Anxiety
Posted by tom | Mar 15, 2006Separation Anxiety: Twins are caught in tug of war as schools, parents debate keeping them together in the classroom caught our eye and that of Hayley & Ellen's kindergarten instructor. We've found it helpful to have them together in preschool and kindergarten. As fraternal twins that get along well but don't need one-another.
Theresa's thoughts:
The article does a fine job of presenting the dilemma, especially for people who may not have thought about it before, but it doesn't offer much in the way of solutions. In fact, it confirms my somewhat relativistic opinion that whether or not you should separate twins in school depends on the individual kids. In our case, I prefer that Hayley and Ellen not be separated, at least not yet. And we've had no indication from either their preschool or kindergarten teachers that it is a problem to have them together. Both teachers have told us that Hayley and Ellen play independently of each other and are not competitive. They also seem to have some friends in common, and some more exclusive friends. At recess they sometimes play together and sometimes play independently. Which all goes to confirm to me that they are growing and developing confidently and securely. And since they've been able to accomplish this while being in the same school class for 2 years, I don't intend to change it.
It surprised me that Minnesota was the only state to allow parents to choose whether or not to separate their twins. I naively assumed that most schools would give the decision making power to the parents, who know their kids the best. And I think the argument that if you allow twins to choose to stay together in class, then other parents are going to want the freedom to choose a buddy for their child is weak. Even having a very close friend is not the same situation as having a twin. And, if two unrelated children are so co-dependent that they can't function in separate classes, there are other issues there that need to be addressed.
I prefer that schools look at the individual twin families and base the decision to separate or keep together on the dynamics between the twins. A blanket policy either to always separate or always keep together does a disservice to the children.
I agree whole-heartedly with your comments!
The concern that I have from reading this article goes beyond the issue of separating or not separating twins to the greater issue: restricting parents' rights within the public school system. I shudder as I read that child placement is an "administrative decision."
What if there were one particular child I absolutely did not want my child to be in a class with for valid reason? Tough! It's an "administrative decision." What if my child really clashed with a particular teacher? Tough! It's an "adminstrative decision."
No parent is given the right to choose their child's teacher, classroom, or school. The fear is that everyone would want the same teacher or that everyone would abandon the less-prefered schools. So, everyone loses and there is little opportunity for evaluation on a child by child basis: twins or otherwise. It's too much of an "administrative headache" to let every parent have a voice. Thomas Jefferson said, "A society that will trade a little liberty for a little order will lose both, and deserve neither."
I'm glad that your daughter's teachers have been willing to work with you so far and pray that you will encounter flexible, amiable, teachers and administrators in the future. For myself, I just wasn't willing to give up my rights to my children and so we home-educate them. It's been a fabulous alternative for our family!
Posted by Angel, Mar 15 2006, 13:49