GroshLink

Several years ago I read Robbie Castleman's Parenting in the Pew and found the book intriguing.  The premise of the book is that as parents we have the responsibility to teach our children to worship God during the church service.  Children need to be taught what the different elements of the worship service are about and how they can participate.  While in Pittsburgh the church we attended advocated separate ministries for adults and children and children were explicity discouraged from participating in the "adult" worship service.  I had mixed feelings about this philosophy, but was content enough to abide by it.  The impetus for my posting now is two-fold.  Our current church has just begun an Adult Ed. class based on Parenting in the Pew and at the same time my friend Serina began a thread on this topic on her blog.  It has sparked such volumes of comments that it's evident to me that people have opinions! 

So the question is: Are children an integral part of the worship service, and are we doing them and all of us a disservice by worshiping separately on Sunday mornings?  I don't have a strong opinion either way.  I guess I view it as more of a parenting preference issue rather than strictly a spiritual issue.  Just as I'm not going to tell you how you should give birth, or feed your baby, or where/when your child sleeps, or what kind of diapers you should use, I'm not going to tell you that your children should always be next to you in the pew.  In all parenting issues I'm going to make a choice based on my preferences and philosophy and beliefs, but I'm not going to make a blanket statement for all people at all times.  So what is my opinion or preference concerning this topic?

Here's my experience as a parent:

As I said earlier, our previous church separated kids from adults from birth up to 6th grade.  From the time Hayley and Ellen started to make distracting noises during church I put them in the nursery.  I distinctly remember the first time I put them in the church nursery, not because I was so distracted with worry over how they were doing separated from me, but I remember the relief I felt over allowing someone else the opportunity to care for my children for an hour!  Truth be told, I've often questioned my value as a mom because this was not the only time I felt this relief!  While other moms share sob stories of the first time they left their babies with a babysitter, I sit nearby, listening politely, but not relating to their emotions.  At first I chalked it up to being a mother of twins, i.e. I must be so exhausted that I welcomed the respite.  But I've had no qualms about placing Eden in the care of others either.  She was 6 weeks old when I left her with a male friend of mine for a few hours so that I could go out with a girlfriend.  Anyway, from the nursery Hayley and Ellen graduated to Sunday School at two years old.  Our church offered classes for kids during all services, so even if Tom and I attended Sunday School and then worship, our kids remained in their class.  Our pastor mentioned more than once from the pulpit that his sermons were not always appropriate for children.  But Childrens' Ministry works diligently to present Biblical truths to children in ways that they are able to understand.  And I agree, they did.  But in the back of my mind (having read Parenting in the Pew) I wasn't sure if I wanted my kids separated from us during worship until they entered 6th grade!  There was so much we appreciated about our church that we decided to stay there, despite some doubts about "total separation" worship.

Last year, as you know, we moved and our current church over the course of one year has done several different things to incorporate children into worship. Our church offers 2 identical worship services on Sunday mornings, separated by the Sunday School hour.  Last summer, during the Sunday School hour they offered a family worship time that was high energy, high entertainment.  They sent us home with devotions to do together as a family during the week, which we did.  During the last school year, kids were with their parents in the pews for the worship service up until the sermon began.  Then they were dismissed to children's worship and from there to Sunday School.  The format of our service is such that the service ends with the sermon and a hymn,  so kids are present for communion and baptisms when those occur.  Nursery care is available for birth through age 4.  During this most recent summer, there was no children's worship, and kids remained with parents throughout the entire service.  I have never had Eden in the service with us, except a few times just to hear the children's choir sing.  Those few times were extremely challenging.  Imagine trying to hold onto a greased eel...  I'm not sure what the current idea is at our church.  At the moment there is no children's worship time during the service. 

Ellen and Hayley had not regularly been in the service with us until they were 6 1/2 yrs. old, but they had no difficulty adjusting to this format.  Implementing some strategies from Parenting in the Pew, we point out to them what the preacher or other person is talking about from up front, what some songs are referring to, etc.  As the scripture was being read this past Sunday, Hayley sitting next to me said, "Mommy, I remember this story!"  Now that they can read I use my index finger to point to the words in the bulletin as we read or sing them so they can easily follow along.  They are beginning to understand how to find things in the Bible, and sometimes they want to do that.  We have devotions in the mornings at home and sometimes use prayer guides from our church to remember to pray for church concerns as a family.

Would I consider including Eden in our Sunday morning worship service?  It would not be my preference.  Although I'm sure over time she would learn appropriate behavior I don't feel strongly that in the end we'd be "ahead" spiritually.  I'm not sure how else to put it.  I guess b/c I see that E and H made the transition without difficulty and I think if anything, they gained by being in age appropriate worship when they were younger, I'm in no hurry to put Eden into a situation that would be a source of stress to me.  Some parents I have observed, are indeed able to keep one eye on the kids and 2 ears on the conversation or sermon.  I am not that parent!

I also want to make clear that I do not mind whatsoever if another family makes the choice to keep their young children/babies in the service with them.  I don't mind wiggly kids around me or baby sounds nearby.  Frankly, they make me smile.  I will not be the lady shushing your family.  I'll be the one making faces at your cherub who is staring at me over your shoulder.

My ideal church (with regards to this topic)?  One that provides nursery care through age 4, arranges for children to be with their parents during much of the service and dismisses them to more age appropriate worship during the sermon, but is flexible enough to accomodate families that prefer to share the service with their children regardless of age. 

Well, it's long and it's rambly, but those are my thoughts.  I'd love to hear yours.  Feel free to point out things I've failed to consider.  It's not a manifesto--just my thoughts today.