GroshLink

 

I enjoy comparing my kids' milestones.  Some are joyful like first smiles and some are more somber.  Yesterday I was reflecting on both.

One somber milestone is 8 days -- the number of days we had to see and hold Elise Faith before she left us.  As a testimony to the healing of time I didn't even think of that one when Lily was 8 days old. The one I was particularly reflecting on last night was 3 weeks -- the point of Eden's life when we realized something was not right and first made a doctor appt. to have her looked at.  That led to a visit to a neurologist, multiple MRIs, CTs, and the devastating (but thankfully incorrect) news that she had a brain tumor.  As Lily is in the midst of her 3rd week of life it's almost unfathomable to imagine receiving such awful news about your new, precious baby.

When I was pregnant with Eden my hope was for the "easy" experience of taking care of one baby (as opposed to twins), especially during the luxury of Hayley and Ellen being away at school.  But that bubble was burst when our days and weeks filled with therapy and doctor appointments.  And worry.

So when I was pregnant with Lily my hopes again turned to the longing for a healthy, easy baby.  But it was a hope tempered by fear.  I know there are no guarantees for the future, for any of us, but I try to do my best to live one day at a time.  I try to balance my reflections of the pain of the past with the joy of the present.  So I'm not trying to dwell on the tragedies we've weathered, but their contrast with the normalcy of life right now magnifies the blessings of the present.  I thank God for Lily's good health.  And that she's gaining weight without worry.  And that she smiled at me for the first time (I don't think it was gas!).  And that she sleeps well and is easily comforted when she gets fussy.

And I can't help but be amazed at Eden.  During her first year of life we lived with such uncertainty about her future.  Now from the vantage point of 3 1/2 years her future looks so promising.  Her walking has greatly improved over this summer.  She talks nonstop.  She loves Lily so much.  She has a great sense of humor.  You need only to spend a short time with her before you will exclaim, as so many others before you have, "She never stops!"

So my challenge is to enjoy the present and not worry about the what-ifs of the future.  But with such wonderful kids and husband, there's much to enjoy!